Clapping Has Fallen on Deaf Hands

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With more and more American’s hands consumed with other things, clapping seems to be on the decline. A recent Online University study shows millions of Americans are preoccupied with gadgets, gestures, throwing up their sets, and so on. At many major gatherings, clapping has fallen on deaf hands.

Mark Millings said, “I don’t know, you know what I mean? I just don’t like clapping anymore. Who tweets claps anyway.” Another person we asked about this at a recent hot dog eating festival in South New Jersey, James Gungerson said, “Fuck clapping, makes my fucking hands hurt when you really get into it. I say let it die, something else will come along.”

No one is certain what the future of showing your support for something in a public place in commune with other people will entail. An expert in the field of Applied Auditory Appendages, Sam Rockwell said, “We need more clapping to make sure you really like something. Fist pumping, waving your hands around like you just don’t care, the devil horns, these are all far too vague. The sound made by hands beat into one another can only mean you support whatever is going on. That, or perhaps a dog has escaped, or you’re trying do distract someone. But mostly just the first thing I said.”

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